He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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