ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
