im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize