Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
