Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
