no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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