i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
