The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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