We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
