I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize