shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
