She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
