Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
