Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
