Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
