Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
