Having a random hookup so left but love u
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
