my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She bit a glass in half.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
