So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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