The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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