Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
