I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
