his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
