i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
