I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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