my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize