would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
