I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
