What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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