cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
