my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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