so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
