I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
