apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize