you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I said "one day" and that day is not today
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
