Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
