I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
