just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
