brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I cannot find my penis.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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