I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
