I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
