quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
