lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
