The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
