just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
