Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
