pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
nutella sex= disaster
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
