There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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