i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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