I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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