When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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