Midget sex pt 2 tonight
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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