Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
