cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
