I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
