You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize