i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
