just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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