I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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