Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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