Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i came on her dog
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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