we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
