Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
