in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
