Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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