I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
