actually, I'm a sock model
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
