I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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