Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
