Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
