I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
