The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
