he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
