part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
