your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
