dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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