They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
