in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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