I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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