Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize